Have you heard the story about the baby elephant? When it was young, the owner tethered it to a post with heavy chains so it could not get away. Try as it might, the baby elephant couldn’t pull free. Eventually the owner switched the chain to a rope but by then the older and now bigger elephant gave up trying – even though he could easily have freed himself, because of the many failed attempts he no longer believed he could break free of his bindings so made no further efforts to escape his confinement.
I actually hate this parable because it makes me sad to think of anything or anyone living a confined or restricted existence, but it does dramatically illustrate a point concerning limiting beliefs and or self-imposed constraints … both of which I’ve experienced in heavy doses in my own life. Thinking I’d cleared this away, a recent incident flashed a light that made me realize I was doing it again, getting all up in my head and allowing the critical, negative voices to take control. Yup, time to call another meeting with the negativity committee (in my head).
This limiting belief thing is a state of mind, a restriction we unintentionally place on ourselves, that usually comes from childhood, a past experience or trauma and the environment we grew up in, just as our core beliefs and thought processes were beginning to develop. And although these negatively charged thoughts are mostly exaggerations and non-truths, we form them as a protection mechanism from discomfort or hurt for our futures like quitting something before it quits you or thinking you won’t get it so not even applying yourself. Typically, the impulses that drive these beliefs are ‘I don’t have enough, I feel undesirable, or I don’t have faith in myself’. That baby elephant developed a lack of faith in his abilities because of an experience in his youth which caused him to stop trying. We can easily see it in his story, but can we see it in our own?
And does this even matter, this delving into negative beliefs stuff? I didn’t used to think so. For the longest time, I was a firm believer that moving forward was the only way I was going to roll, and the past was in the rear-view mirror. Happy to have survived all the chaos and fear of my childhood, the last thing I wanted to do was relive any of it. I’ve since come to realize that by knowing more, we can push past and gain freedom from the assumption that we are not free. We ARE free. To be, do or have as we wish. We are in charge of our thoughts – not the other way around, and the majority of the time, those limiting beliefs are not true. We are our harshest critics and imagine all kinds of ‘not going to happen’ things. I now see that left unchecked, over time, self-deprecating thought patterns can grow to warped proportions, skewing our perspective and screwing up any new experiences for us – whether it be relationships or a job or anything.
Were you ever surprised to receive a compliment from someone because you didn’t see yourself that way? Isn’t that interesting that they would see something you don’t? Or maybe you’ve had these thoughts rumbling in your head; ‘I’m not good enough, I feel like you’re so much bigger or better, I don’t know if I’m worthy of this relationship, you’re kinder you’re out of my league, I’m not qualified, I don’t know as much as I should, I don’t deserve (fill in the blank), you’re smarter than me’ … you get it. Our energy goes where we focus so thinking this or that, will create this or that.
So, how do you identify your negative beliefs – here’s an exercise to try; think of something you really want. Maybe you’ve always wanted. It could be an outlandish aspiration, a yearning or even a person you’ve repeatedly desired. Now, after admitting that deepest of dreams, what are the thoughts that come through next? I’ll bet they are whispers telling you why it would never happen. Could’ve, Should’ve but didn’t = missed the boat. These pesky limiting thoughts are blocking you from even trying to make the wish come true. You are living the baby elephant experience. Consider this; if you desire it, you deserve it. Your passions and desires serve a purpose and are a compass to help steer you on your life journey. You have been gifted with the capacity to create … anything you desire. So, create it. Believe you can.
We owe it to ourselves to analyze and scrutinize and actualize anything and everything that affects our happiness and joy. If every time you met a certain person, they punched you, would you keep allowing them to meet you? What if every time a negative self-limiting thought came to you and you believed it, you would trip and fall, it wouldn’t take long before you began stopping those thoughts, right? Would you just keep driving in the wrong direction if you found you were going the wrong way? Ok, that’s enough with the analogical questions, I believe I’ve made my point here. Girl does love an analogy, though. We have the ability to turn it, stop thinking the thoughts and stop sabotaging an otherwise great opportunity.
In the grand scheme, when you think you can’t, you won’t. When you think you can, you will. Self-discovery is where the magic is, baby! Knowing what causes the restrictive thoughts will help you to manage them. Change the narrative and believe in your own greatness, you are marvelous. It’s eviction time, declare your freedom and independence from all those deceiving mental notions that have controlled you so you can become the happy human you came here to be 😎